Scheduled Rumpus

2009-04-29T01:25:00.002-05:00

Playing For Change | Song Around The World "Stand By Me" from Concord Music Group on Vimeo.

this is AMAZRING.

Mrs Potts and Mrs Lovett are the same person in case you didnt know

2009-03-25T02:33:00.004-05:00

i'm a sexy penguin. you know it's true. and as such, i am King of the Chalupas. and my friend ( http://shakespeareandsummer.blogspot.com/ ) is the sexiest chalupa!

oh yeah. you know it!

dont forget to iTwitter, iTube, and iBlip (which i stole from theophi1us, aka endless waltz)!

i plan on iTubing real soon and keeping this updated again for all 2 of you who follow me...

2009-02-15T18:59:00.000-06:00

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

a quick announcement!

2009-01-14T15:08:00.002-06:00

so...the new year came and went...i had my first true experience with alcohol, and it wasnt that exciting really. i just got tipsy on new years eve/day. i had me a few screwdrivers, which, for those who dont know (but who doesnt) is orange juice and vodka. it was nice. everything's funnier when you're tipsy. bleh. the rest of the break flew by way too quick, but i did get to see many friends i hadnt seen in a long long while when i went up to the grapevine mills, and then over the next week and a half-ish before i had to come back to school. i went to a hookah for the first time the saturday before school started back up with my cousins and we had some interesting talks...but uh...what happens in the hookah stays in the hookah, eh? so i shant be recounting what we said. sorry. hummummumm...well, i was planning to come back on sunday evening, but i didnt do my laundry and pack until sunday and since our dryer has to go through 2 normal cycles to get the clothes dry cause it's old, it took all day to do the laundry, so i wasnt ready to come to school till like 9.30 or 10.00...so we decided to come back in the morning...so we left at about 7.45 and i got back to waco at about 9.15...almost and hour and a half on the dot. i missed chapel of course, since i have the 9.05 chapel. then i had spanish at 11.15, calculus 1 at 1.25, and band at 4.00. all was going well. until tuesday came. i slept through the first day of english, my class being at 8.00am...and i slept through the second day of spanish, spanish being at 11.00 on tuesdays and thursdays (tis an everyday class, so i have it m/w/f at 11.15 and t/tr at 11.00). i made it to my first day of christian heritage thankfully and vowed i'd make it to chapel and spanish on wednesday (today). well that didnt turn out so well. i woke up at 11.45, meaning i slept through chapel and spanish. joy. so now i go to english tomorrow as my first day, having likely missed some important stuff, and spanish tomorrow after missing 2 days and very more than likely having missed important stuff. great. it's the first week and already school is becoming like hell. just my luck. i have band at 4, meaning i have to leave at like 3.40 or 3.45, so i have like 25 more minutes at most and i have to go there for 2 hours...then dinner, then homework, then maybe relaxin youtube time, then bed, and hopefully i get up on time tomorrow, eh? blech

dont be like me! get up on time for your classes!

that is all.

on the day the world became destined to change...

2008-12-25T16:15:00.002-06:00

today is a day of celebration. today is a day of joy. today is a day of receiving. today is a day of giving. today is a day of family. today is a day of rest. today is a day of everything. today is they day "[we] celebrate the day that [He was] born to die so [we] could one day pray for [Him] to save [our lives]." if you know that reference, i'll give you $1.00 when next i see you (no promises as to how "rich" i am though!). on this most momentous occasion, let us remember that we were never asked to remember His birth, only his death...with that in mind, celebrating His birth isn't bad or wrong, but we shouldn't let it get more attention and celebration than the celebration of His death and resurrection. which sadly, it is. the birth has been given more importance in our society, which is most sad. perhaps this New Years, we can all resolve to make Easter more important than today, Christmas 2008, and to make it more important than this day next year, Christmas 2009. then perhaps our priorities shall truly be in order, eh?

and now i leave you with this song: La Camisa Negra por Juanes

OMGEEEEEEE!!

2008-12-21T02:33:00.003-06:00

i think i'm loving life atm. quite honestly. life is going so dang well.

first of all, the day i came home, i got to go see my JH alma mater band concert. it was nice. my sister is in the band there, so i got to see her and the rest of them play. woot! and then on thursday, i got to see my HS alma mater band concert as well, which meant seeing some of my friends from there, so woot! :D then thursday night after the concert, i trimmed the tree with my family, which was cool cause i thought they were going to already have the tree picked out and decorated when i got home, but they decided to wait for me :D yay! then friday afternoon/evening/night, i went on a quasi-date of sorts... :D his name is ian and he's in the band at my HS, so that's how i know him, and he's really cute and shy and quiet. i picked him up after school and we went to one of the local malls and just walked around and then ate in the food court. and the entire time, all i could think about was how much i wanted to hold his hand. i so badly just wanted to reach over and grab his hand and walk with him. that will come soon, hopefull ;) i really like him. a lot. i think about him a lot. and he would be my first boyfriend. and i think we're going to do something again before christmas! squee! :D

today is church, which means seeing friends from there as well, so i'm excited about that. AND! since my dad is coming home tomorrow night, i'm gonna make a big dinner. well, it's not cause he's coming home that i'm making it, i was gonna make it last night, but my mom said i should wait. anyways, he's coming home this afternoon, so i'm going to make a ham and stuffing and biscuits and perhaps potatoes and my mom's gonna make her glazed carrots, which even though i dont like cooked carrots, they're amazring. then it's monday, and that means only 4 days till christmas!! YAY! that means family and gifts, which, i'm not gonna lie, i'm excited about presents :P does that make me a bad person? i hope not. i mean, dont get me wrong, i'm very so uber excited about seeing family too, but i enjoy exchanging gifts as well as the next fat fellow.

soooooo, wish me luck with my ian and keep checking here for updates as well as YOUTUBE! i have a collab planned to come up soon, and it should be up (hopefully) before christmas!

decimos adios y pedimos a Dios!

blaaaaaaaahhhhh

2008-12-13T23:42:00.002-06:00

"I don't think people are meant to be by themselves. . .[N]othing sucks more than feeling alone. No matter how many people are around."

--J.D. (Scrubs)

one thing i cant stand more than anything else is the feeling of being lonely. and unfortunately i feel it all to often. perhaps i'm being whiney, but i should like to think i kinda have the right to be whiney. 18 years, 9 months, and 10 days, i've never had a relationship. i've never had a boyfriend. and yeah, for a long time, i was okay with it. partially because i wasnt out. i was like, "well of course you dont have a boyfriend, michael, you're so in the closet, you're beginning to feel the pine needles and cold." not quite in narnia, but still waaaaay to scared to come out. and besides that as well, i, for some reason, was actually just fine with it. though i was lonely all those long years, i never understood why. i mean, i had and still have amazing friends. and when we hung out, i was usually not lonely. but i often was, actually, even when i was with my friends. and i didnt understand for a long time that it was lack of companionship. lack of someone who is at least the attempt at my other half. i know i probably should be comfortable with being single, but i'm not. it aches. and it pains. there are just some things, emotionally, that a best friend, even one as great as mashed potatoes or her roommie who is also my besty, or one of my other besties, utah, or any of them, can fill. i dont even think i really know what that is, do i, since i've never had a boyfriend. but i know there's that emptiness there...i just want the emptiness to go away. more than anything. so i want a boyfriend. but i dont just want any old guy. i want someone good, and someone special. i'm not gonna just walk up and pick some random hot dude off the road. and no, taters, it doesnt count till his leaves turn red. though i am happier in this department than i have been in a long time because of said tree.

2008-12-05T02:05:00.002-06:00

here's an abstract concept. or so it seems, in my sleep-needing state, to be abstract.

i was watching a video on youtube and the background music was "Beethoven: Sonata #14, Op. 27/2, 'Moonlight' - Adagio Sostenuto" or the Moonlight Sonata, and i found it almost impossible to understand and discern what was being said in the movie because i was thinking in music. like you know how when you know two languages, you can mentally be in one or the other, like you can think in spanish or english (or even both if you're good!)? well, it was the same thing here...i was actually thinking in music and so much so, that just as it happens with spanish, i didnt understand the words because my mind was in music.

i often think in music. is that abstract? i should wonder, too, if only musicians would understand that or if non-musicians would too. now let me clarify: i do not and would not have the arrogance to say that non-musicians cant and dont understand it...rather, i am simply curious. i see no reason why a non-musician couldnt understand that and in fact think in music themselves. after all, what is music but "God's little reminder there's something else besides us in this universe. Harmonic connection between all living beings everywhere, even the stars"...so if it's a connection between everyone, should not at least some people be able to tap into that, perhaps more than others or perhaps more easily than others, and actually think in music?

i guess the reason i say that thinking in music is an abstract concept is because, at least right now in this moment, i have not the ability to put into words what it means to think in music. and now, perhaps that's because i'm thinking in words at the moment...perhaps because they are different, you cannot use one to (fully, at least) describe the other. words are powerful, words are profound. words and writing are as much an art and an abstractedness as is music or art. though perhaps words are the least abstract in that they are used to describe the would around us, and as powerful as they are, for i mean not to detract from their power, they only go so far. and that's where music and art pick up, where words fail. i hope that i do not sound arrogant or horrible in saying that words cannot fully describe the world around us and that music and art pick up where words fail. because i understand the power of words. i understand the craft of words. at least to an extent. i am not the best at the manipulation of words, it is not my strongest gift. music is. and perhaps that instills a bias in me towards it...and perhaps that there shows that there is a truth in saying that some people can connect and understand in music more than others, just in that some can connect and understand and perhaps even think in art much more than i could ever dream of and the same for words. perhaps i see a point where words fail because i am a musician. and so conversely, perhaps a writer sees a point where music fails and words transcend, because they are a writer. and perhaps the same is true for an artist. perhaps the artist sees a point where music or words fail and art transcends, because he is an artist.

and if this is so, then perhaps the reason that we are not all artists and musicians and writers is because perhaps they are too overwhelming for our being. and so each of us has one of them instilled in us, at least to a degree. and then we can take that talent, that gift, that instillment, and we can share it with others who have a bit of that inside of them. and that way we can all come to have an appreciation for the others since we cannot connect to them solely on our own. to clarify: i have artist in me, but in a minute degree, especially compared to music. so then, i am able to appreciate art, but perhaps not fully, not on my own. and so then the artist, who touches art on a deeper level than i, helps me to understand it more fully, if perhaps never fully.

i dont know if any of that makes any sense. i would love to hear your thoughts and opinions and abstractions though.

trace the shape of my heart until it becomes more familiar to your eyes

2008-12-04T13:43:00.002-06:00

"i have carried this pain on a back bruised and nearly broken"

"when death, like a gypsy, comes to steal what i love i will still look the heavens i will still seek your face, but i fear you arent listening because there are no words, just the stillness and the hunger for a fate that assures."

i was going to blog today about something, but i actually have no idea what about...then, as i was sitting in my dorm room, i was listening to some music, cant remember what it was, but that's beside the point, the point is i was listening to music, and then all a sudden a lyric popped in my head, and and its one of those ones where you know it really well, but you cannot for the life of you remember what it's from; what album, what artist, what song, any of that...so i sat thinking about it for like...10 minutes and i never figured it out. then came the time to pack up and head out to christian scriptures. i put my computer in my bag, put on my overcoat and turned on my iPod...and all a sudden, it hit me! i knew what it was! or i sorta knew what it was...i knew it was a jars of clay song from the album furthermore...not that it could've been another album, because that's the only album i have, and i knew it to be on that album...so then, i began searching through it...but i wasnt sure which song it was...so i had to stop and think and listen to the music in my head to figure out which song it matched...and lo and be hold! I FOUND IT :D!!!! i was thinking of the song "The Valley Song (Sing of Your Mercy)" and i found it and i'm very happy i found it. now i thought by now, i would've come up with my point, but i still havent, so i leave you with this as i head off to dinner...

breydin

A Reflection

2008-11-19T22:58:00.003-06:00

i think that if you subscribe to the idea of Christianity, you ought subscribe to a sort of Christian Existentialism. Now, understand this: I hate Existentialism. But, to a degree, I do like Christian Existentialism. It is different, and actually makes a great deal of sense, I think, especially if I explain myself correctly, which i sometimes don't do, methinks. I'm going to attempt to now...

A couple weeks ago, i was on my way to class (my religion class, ironically) and a thought struck me. Everything, ultimately, is meaningless. Let's ponder this. We are created from dust. ERgo, we are lowly creatures. True it is, though, that we are chose, and breathed into by, God. This is where Christian Existentialism can actually break itself down, because this though of being dust comes with the idea that we are breathed into by the Divine Being, and the being breathed into ultimately can tear down the meaninglessness of it all, but we'll get there in the disorganised essay that is this blog post. Now, what were we created for? Merely to serve and worship this Great Deity that is God, who is so vastly holy, we cannot comprehend or attain this holiness, and not only that, we cannot exist in it, or we shall surely die. Now, does God need us? Does he need us to worship him? No. Not at all. Not in the slightest. He has legions of angels surrounding him at all times just to worship him. And he could create more instantaneously to worship him as he sees fit. Therefore, it is useless for us to exist. He doesn't need us to worship and serve him, and ultimately, if we are so insignificant in comparison to him, why would we? Not to mention the fact that, no matter how much you love God, you will, at some point, become tired of serving and worshiping him, if only for a short period. Because we simply do not have the stamina, the endurance, the ability to want to serve and worship him, let alone actually do it. So if we are so worthless, why need we exist? We needn't. And if there's not reason for us to exist, then there's no purpose for us to live. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you existentialism.

However, here is the counter argument! We said before that God breathed life into us, that he chose us to serve him and to worship him. This is the very reason to live, that he wills us to. Simply because he wants us to live and worship and serve him is our reason to live.

This also leads to another thought that can be both existentialist and non-existentialist. If we are so weak in our ability to serve him and worship him, it would be better for us to die, as too it would be better for us to die because of the horrid, corrupt world we live in. This is an idea somewhat shared by Sweeney Todd. We all deserve to die. The lives of the wicked should be made brief, for the rest of us death will be a relief. From the cruel world, we shall be delivered through death. And, through the deliverance of death (we should, however, point out that this is physical, not spiritual, death we are referring to here [and yes i am referring to myself in the plural fashion. What's the fun in life if you don't, I say, eh?]) we are also brought into perfection, with the ability to fully and perfectly worship and serve God for all eternity. Ergo, there is no point for us to live. Because it is better for us to die. Paul himself even says this in Philipians 1:21;23b where he says "For me, to live is Christ, to die is gain...I desire to part and be with Christ, which is far better." Now, I would be remiss if I did not mention that there is more to that passage. Paul ultimately comes to the conclusion that he must stay here on the earth to go through the faith with the Philipians, and i would be remiss to try to use that verse to fully support my thesis here, for while Paul does subscribe to the idea of Christian Existentialism, to a degree, he does not live it, and ultimately does consider it a bit foolish. Back to my point though. Ergo, existentialism. There is no point in living (though there is, as I have just clarified Paul points out).

And herein lies the paradox! On the one hand, there is no point in living, because it is better to die, but! On the other hand, the whole purpose in living is simply because God wills it! It is all dependent on your outlook and how cynical you are!

and there we have it.

sometimes when i'm hungry, i think i get depressed

2008-11-18T18:39:00.003-06:00

but that is kinda beside the point. the point is i'm burned out. and low on energy. i miss the trimesters of high school they prevented burnout. now that i have semesters in college, the class lasts for longer in the year. so i get sick of it before i can be done.

and not only am i burned out and uneneregetic, i'm somewhat depressed, and i think it goes along with the burnout. and also, i sometimes wonder if there isnt a real mental issue i have. like i always say i have issues, and people tell me that too, that i do, but like if were' totally serious, in all honesty, we dont mean that i really actually do. but i wonder sometimes if i actually do.

bleh. life. life = bleh. mathematically.

elk

i must say

2008-11-14T01:10:00.002-06:00

i'm quite pissed about one matter

quite disappointed by another

and quite happy by another

such a cocktail was not meant to be in one person at one time...

first: i'm pissed because my facebook account was disabled by an admin for no reason. like, i looked at the FAQ about why they disable accounts, they say it only happens if you break the terms of use, and i seriously, i read the terms of use and there is NOTHING in there that i can find that i did to break the terms of use, so i'm really f*cking pissed that i had my account disabled. i emailed them around 5.45pm on the Thursday, Nov 13, 2008, for to see why they closed it down and it's now 1.15am on the Friday, Nove 14, 2008, and i have yet to recieve a response. you really have no idea how much this ticks me off. especially because, lame as it is, facebook is pretty much my life. ALL and i mean quite litterally almost ALL my time outside of class is spent on facebook and youtube, which you can find links to my youtube in the side, but that's irrelevant. this rant is based on facebook. basically, if i'm on the computer and i have internet access, i'm on facebook...so now it's disabled and i honestly legitimately do not know what to do with myself.

next rant: i'm disappointed in the choice of the new 5SSG on youtube. his audition was the most audacious, self-centered, arrogant, pompus video i have possibly ever seen in my life. and i'm not exaggerating. that's the sad part. he said, and i quote (feel free to check his vid out to verify): "i think the best way to improve the channel, really, is to pick me as the new Friday. i mean, let's be honest here, like that's, i feel like that's the only thing missing from 5SSG right now. like for reealz. shoot. pick me." notice his mannerisms are arrogant, as is his voice inflection as he speaks these words. he goes on to say: "and i dont think you need to get rid of anything. except the temp guy. he's in my spot. what?" i have this in response. um, excuse me? where the f*ck do you get off dissing a member, albeit temporary, of the channel YOU WANT TO BE ON?! if i were judging, that right there would have disqualified him. it mean seriously. and again, if you watch his mannerisms. they are completely arrogant and you can tell he thinks he's all that and in the right. additionally, he just assumes he gets the spot when he says "he's in my spot. what?" and if that werent bad enough, he totally ripped of Tyler Oakley's "shoot" whether or not he personally does it himself. everyone knows that the "shoot" is Tyler Oakley's trademark. period. there is no discussion here.

i dunno, perhaps i'm overly bitter about this. and i would like to clarify one thing. i am not bitter about not making the channel, because i kinda knew i wouldnt. i hoped beyond hope i would, i would have been ecstatic if i had, but i kinda figured it wouldnt. like it wasnt a shock that i wasnt picked. so i'm not bitter about not making it. i just have an INSANE uber strong, passionate, intense dislike for arrogance. and i've been told i can be arrogant myself. and so i work on that. i make a hard and honest effort to not be arrogant. and far as i know, i do a fairly okay job (i hope). i expected better from the 5SSGs...whatever, i mean, i was looking forward to a new friday, i was excited about the whole process, and i even had 3 people who i think would've been great additions to the channel, and i mentioned 2 of them directly in my vid and the third via an annotation cause i couldnt remember who it was when i filmed. i would have been so much happier if they had won. now, i have ranted for FAR too long and made myself out to be FAR more bitter than i actually am. moving on...

what i'm happy about is this...oh man...DANG...i went on so long about the previous 2 negative items i've lost the happy thing...and this is why i try to avoid negative, cause i like being happy and i like to share the happy...it was something simple, i remember, but that made me incredibly happy...well, while this is not what i was originally going to post, i would like to say that i was incredibly excited to be able to go to dinner with JYang in my grandpa's CORVETTE, baby! so that was exciting...well, if i figure out what it was i was originally happy aboot, i'll do an edit later, perhaps...i do remember, i think, that it had to do with a video? on youtube? meh...it'll come to me like 3 weeks from now...and then i'll put it down...and you'll be confuddled. but i like to confuddle people :D

so, yours truly

the elk rantist (like a ranter, but a better word, cause i made it up :D :P )

i had a thought today...

2008-11-12T19:57:00.003-06:00

and i was lucky it didnt disappear before i could jot it down! i was walking down the hallway of the dorm...and i was looking at the doors...and how close to each other they are...which got me thinking about how small the rooms are...and i thought about how when you go to a hotel, or even a motel, you get more space for just 1 person than dorms give you for two...considering that you're going to be living in a drom (theoretically) for considerably longer, you'd think they'd give you more room...well, you thought wrong! what's even sadder is my dorm room is smaller than my bedroom at home O.o not by much, but it's definitely smaller...

well that's the random thought of the day, though it's not what i originally sat down to blog about. what did i sit down to blog about you ask? well...that's the thought i lost >.<

so i bid you adieu for now...

elk

jumping on the band wagon much? methinks so...

2008-11-11T20:43:00.000-06:00

i've never been one to follow the crowd, not really at all...i've always pretty much been my own person, very different, very individual, very unique. those who know me can attest to this. sometimes i've been perhaps a bit too out there...i'm odd and strange, and i dont really fit in anywhere...i'm like the misfit of the misfits...i'm in band and have been for a while, and as everyone knows, anyone involved in the fine arts, such as band, is a bit weird/psychotic/insane/what have you. and so all the weird people are attracted to that because they can fit in in their weirdness. this, of course, perpetuates the weirdness of the fine arts. however, i'm so individual, so unique, so weird that i dont even fit into the "norm" of weirdness in the area of fine arts. thusly, i'm the misfit of the misfits.

now you can tell me all you want that there is no real norm everyone is different and there are not "real" categories. you can say that till you're blue in the face. but it's a bold-faced lie. you know darn well there are labels and categories that people fit into, no matter how weird or odd or different they are, and no matter how much you dislike labels and categories. you know that this is true. however, i dont seem to fit any such labels or categories, even one as broad as just "misfits." i dont even fit into that. now, in all honesty, there has to be at least one other person like that in the world, right? the unluckyness for me is i never have and likely never will meet this person.

now all this spiel was put out there to give backstory when i say

am i finally jumping on a bandwagon? am i trying to fit in and that's why i'm doing what i'm doing? or am i doing it simply because i really truly do want to do it? is it sincere or is it the product of the world around me?

what is it you're doing that you think is jumping on the bandwagon? you ask. why, its the very thing your reading and the very thing that people are watching. i have recently joined the ranks of youtube vloggers. and as of this post, i have joined the ranks of bloggers. though, i suppose in all technicality, i've been a blogger since about 2004, when i joined the ranks of those on xanga. ah, xanga. how i did love it so, and still do, and how i miss it. i dont think i've updated in at least 6 months, but most likely longer.

so the question i pose, i guess to myself, is by joining the ranks of vloggers on youtube and bloggers on blogger, am i jumping on a bandwagon and de-individualising myself? i mean, i do believe that i'm doing it cause i want to and that i dont want to cause everyone else does but because i truly want to. so that being the case, have i hopped a bandwagon?

i hope not, because i am not one to hop the bandwagon.

elk